It's Just a Bad Connection

Circumstantial depression. It's what you get when you are in situations that are way stressful and you have no power to change them. I had it. Had it real good.

Turns out circumstantial depression can follow you around. Who knew?!

I was depressed because of circumstances I was in. Well..... if you take all 43 years of my life and divide it by the number of circumstances I've had....well, I've had a lot. But the last couple years seemed to have a few more than usual and it really got me down. I was losing hope. Real fast.

Then my husband got a new job and we were given the chance to move to a brand new place and away from most of those "circumstances"! I thought I had it made! This new life was going to be so great!!

Haha. That was a funny joke. What a punch line.

It was a punch alright. Right to the gut.

Cause maybe you already know this. But there are circumstances everywhere. Yep, should of saw that coming.

Doesn't really matter what mine are.  We all got a set of our own. You got a set. I got a set. They say that if all our troubles were to be boxed up and put into a room and we had the chance to pick out any set of troubles, we would always pick our own back out. Maybe we would. After all known fears are better than unknown ones.

But today I wasn't so sure. I was pretty sure that if I could pick a different box.....there would be no wet basements and depression in it.

And I told God so this morning in my quiet time with Him. Told him a lot of things. Like the fact that I didn't really want to have a quiet time with Him today.  Mentioned that He calls himself my Provider and I don't really feel provided for. Wrote down, in ink, cause I write out my prayers... "life sucks and I am not sure why He bothered to speak it all into existence". Reminded Him that I have been following him for over thirty years now and if this is the best I could become, well, it wasn't much. Got too much attitude to be bringing Him any glory. Said I don't really get the point of it all.

I cried too. A lot.

And when I was done crying. I listened for a bit.

He said some nice things about me. Phft! Like I believed that!

He told me that I am complete in Him. Ha! Whatever.

He said He has everything I need for today. Really?

I said "It's too late, that the day was already messed ....that it had a bad start. Look at how I had been talking to Him for goodness-sake".

He said that was OK. That we just had a "bad connection". That His LOVE, JOY, PEACE, GENTLENESS, PATIENCE, GRACE, ACCEPTANCE, STRENGTH, WISDOM and HELP had never stopped "airing". It was just that the troubles of life had caused some static...our connection had been bad.  I just needed to re-tune in.

Bad connection you say? Static you say? Yeah, I was hearing that ole static loud and clear. What did He say about re-tuning in? That's all I gotta do?

Oh.

Alright, I can do that. I can re-tune in. For today. Well, for this morning. Or for this hour if need be......most likely I'll have to re-tune in again this afternoon. But that's OK. God is still going to be there "airing"  the best station EVER!

So, I thanked Him for being a big enough God to be able to listen to me gripe. For still loving me in spite of it. For continuing to encourage and lift me up....even though my un-grateful bee-hind don't deserve it.

And this is why I follow after this God. He's got my back. Always has.
And He has this AWESOME promise that I hold on to....this leaky, sieve that I call home isn't my forever home. This "circumstantial crap" that is life is just a wee blip in eternity. I have my real home waiting for me in heaven. The best part is God promises that it comes "trouble-free".

Already that's something I am willing to wait for.........

"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be anymore pain: for the former things are passed away...." Revelation 21:4

In the mean time there is bread to make, Christmas baking to do, rugs to vacuum, toilets to scrub...

See ya later. I'm re-tuning in.

Hope you hear God's LOVE, JOY and PEACE loud-and-clear today too! Just gotta tune in that's all!

In the Everyday

Dreaming. Always dreaming.  That's me. Always thinking of things I could do with my life.
There are too many to pick from. Sigh.

There are many ways a person is brought to faith. Many things that help people come to an understanding and complete belief that the fantastic claims the Bible makes are true.

Like this one..... "And all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and nine years: and he died" Genesis 5:27

The claim that Methuselah died is not a fantastic one. After all death happens to the best of us. It's the number of days that came between his birth and last breath that is a bit hard to believe.

I can believe it for a number of scientific reasons. The earth was still young, hadn't been abused and polluted much. Humans were still close to being genetically pure. Good Ole Methuselah wasn't eating MacDonalds or Twinkies (he would have made a fantastic spokes-person for the organic/health organizations)

I can believe it for spiritual reasons. Cause God says so for starters.  Then there is the fact that we were made in God's image. God doesn't die. It was only sin that seemed to bring a death sentence on us. We are spiritual beings that will live forever.

How do I know that for sure?  I just believe it..... in my gut.

And for the simple fact that seventy to eighty years just isn't long enough to get all the things done that I want to do.  We weren't created to muddle around for less then a century in which we get to only master one or two things and even at that spend a portion of our brief life wearing diapers and rubbing ointments on aching joints.

Don't get me wrong. I have no desire to live longer than the allotted "three score and ten years".....not on this old suffering world anyway, but I am looking forward to spending the rest of my countless years in eternity with my Creator.

I am not sure how heaven is going to look...actually I haven't the faintest clue..... but that doesn't stop me from believing in it and looking forward to it.

So, how does one bring the two worlds together. The dreams of "What I could do" and the Everyday of what needs to be done......

I am not a pro at it yet but I am learning. Learning to trust God with the every-days and the "could be's".  I only want to do what He has for me to do. And for now most days it's dishes and laundry and I am actually becoming OK with that.

On those days when the day dreaming goes wild and I imagine orphanages or tea shops, farms and careers, book writing or Chef? the every day brings me back..... back to home ...the here and now and the age old question...."What do you want me to do with my life Lord? is answered...

"The dishes. It's time to do the dishes"

And I look, and behold the command is true and vital! Cause hence on yonder counter-top is a heap of unwashed pots, pans and utensils. Oh, glory be!!

And at once my life has meaning. It has purpose. I have a goal. Clean those wonderful dishes that God provided and when I wonder what is next....there is always so much to pick from!

Laundry, mending, ironing, school with the children, dusting and mopping, a friend for tea, phone calls, bills to be payed and organized, emails to check or write, can't forget that toilet that needs scrubbing. A quiet time with God, that's important! What about grocery shopping and the meals to dirty those plates again!? There's yard work and exercise. Library books to be read and returned. Movie or game? Beds to make. People to hug. Goodness, blogs to write!!

And so it is in the every day that I find purpose.

After all someone needs to do those dishes. Why not me!?

And come to think of it.... why not one of my children?

So I call out....."I need someone who knows how to use a t-towel! Reuuuuubennnn? Addddinaaaaaa?"

Come find a life purpose with your mother.  Come learn to serve.
After all we all like to be served. And someone has to do it.

Why not me? Why not you?

No complaining either. You could have been born Methuselah, he dirtied (and most likely washed) dishes for close to a thousand years!! :) Buck up, you'll be doing good if you make it to one hundred!

Real Life?

Read a quote today that prompted me to get pencil and paper out.

"Our task is to say a holy yes to the real things of our life as they exist." ~ N. Goldberg

I started listing the "real" things my life consists of at the moment...things that I haven't been outright resisting but haven't been embracing with a "Yes!" either.

The list seems long.

And depressing.

There are far too many things I must accept.... even though "I NO likey!"
It isn't fair and I have to say "Yes"!?!

It's worth a try I guess. Up till now all the wishing-in-the-world it was different.... hasn't made it so.

Time to try something different.
Change is good for us.

This is real life. Everyone has one. Mine is no less or more perfect than anyone else's.

As long as we live on this planet LIFE will be a big dose of PAIN with some JOYS stirred in and sprinkled on top....if you are looking for the sprinkles you'll find them.

Life hurts. But this isn't my forever life. The sprinkles of JOY that I find among the pain is just little glimpses of my REAL, real life....... that is coming.

I think saying "Yes" to the pain means I will accept that life on this broken, sinful planet means I can't make it perfect and painless, no matter how hard I try. But that doesn't mean I have to focus on the pain...I must search for the "sprinkles of JOY", cause there's some every day, (if I am looking).... savor them when they're found...be grateful for them and thank GOD that they are just a taste of the real LIFE that I have in HIM.

Dear Lord,
This is my life.
You allowed it.
It must be ok then.
Help me believe that it is.
Help me say "Yes" to the real things.
And remind me to stop struggling to change it all.
Show me "sprinkles of JOY" that You have for today
Remind me that they are just glimpses into "forever"
Please help me in this "real" life to find....
Contentment among the imperfect
Gratitude among the sickness
Patience among the sorrow
JOY among the broken
Peace among the pain.
It is for Your Glory
That I ask this in
Jesus beautiful
name. Amen

One Very Small Jewel

It’s all being taken away.
The things I used to do.
To be accepted and loved.
The things that became who I was.
The works. Stripped away.
And now I see a future fire.
Burning the dross.
Burning the things that I did for Him.
Burning and burning.
All the things that Me, Myself and I did.
Was it really for Him? Or was it for me?
For acceptance. For approval. For love.
Not for His. But from others.
It’s all going to be lit on fire one day and I start to worry….
“Will anything survive?” Will there be any jewels left for His crown?”
I can’t be sure what will be left.
Cause motives are always so mixed.
Life is so jumbled. Pain and sin it’s in everything.
It can’t be escaped. Not yet.
One day, yes. But not today.
And so I do not know how many of my acts will survive the flames.
But I do know of one that will.
It’ll be there after the fire subsides.
Something small, shining from among the ashes.
Because of grace.
At least one small gem to offer.
Wonderful, beautiful grace.
Without it I would not have even this one small jewel to give my King.
My Lord, Saviour and Father.
It’s the one thing that is surviving the fires in the-here-and-now.
The one thing that remains even when all else is being stripped away.
Sometimes it is very weak.
Sometimes it is demanding to be heard.
But it is always there.

Belief.

I believe.

Sometimes that is all I can do.
Some days there is only enough strength to do just that.

Believe.

Christ does all the rest any ways.
All the fruit.
It’s all His.
Who am I trying to fool?
The love, joy, peace, gentleness, patience, kindness, and self control.
Those are His acts, not mine.
And when the telling fires die down, if any jewels are left among the ashes.
They will all be His.
Cause you and I both know that they aren't there because of me.
And I will give them back to Him
And the tiny gem, that is my belief,  I'll give that to Him as well.
And I’ll thank Him especially for that one.
Cause without grace. Without mercy.
That jewel, no matter how small, would never shine.
Grace. Grace.
God’s Amazing Grace.
It would all be fire and brimstone without it.
And I am thankful.
It may be a small thankfulness at times.

But it is enough.

Thank you, Lord Jesus.

Simple Fun

Maybe you're like me....not a fan of snow.

Comes with "getting old" it seems.. ...speaking for myself of course. :)

But children, now they are fans of the cold, white stuff. And although dealing with the wet clothes is sometimes a task I don't overly enjoy; I am thankful for the gift of simple fun that God sends for children to take such pleasure in.

Right now there is an "igloo" on every yard around us that has children. Two on our yard.  Our big snow scoop from our "Up North" days played a big part in making the mounds that got dug out. (My collection of little garden shovels, that I find all over the yard after the snow has melted, also played a big part in the digging out) The biggest "igloo" is on the O'Haren's yard.  Apparently it has a seat for all seven children and has been dubbed the "The Town Hall". 

I found out about the name because a young fella came to the door and asked to speak to the youngest Harris. When she came to "see"....the simple and only message was....... 

"There is a meeting at the Town Hall"

"Ok" was the answer. The door was closed and the putting on of snow gear commenced.

And this momma's "don't like snow" heart melted and said a prayer of thanks for the simple fun that snow brings to the kids.

Can't you picture the joy God gets out of watching all the children in all the snowy parts of His world playing with His gifts......clean, white, mold-able snow added to their young, enthusiastic imaginations? I'm guessing that He takes great pleasure from all the scenarios and events that take place after snow arrives.

So, I'm going to try complaining less about the snow. I don't want to be a damper on the joy God gets from watching His children play in His magical, once in-awhile gift.

All things beautiful......like today!!

Ever spend much time wondering about heaven?

Ever long for it on days when things aren't going wrong?

Today it is so awesome outside I can't help but think that it is a little like what heaven is going to be like.

But even on days like today when I am blessed, by not only amazing weather, but time and ability to do what I enjoy best.....gardening......I am reminded when digging in the dirt and rooting up some old things to make way for new ones......that I am not a resident.....no, I am not a resident of Battlefield Drive, Stoney Creek, Canada or even Earth.

I am just a traveler.

Only on a journey.

Not supposed to be putting down roots, not supposed to be burying (or storing, or displaying, or polishing) treasure down here, not supposed to be worrying or fretting about today or tomorrow or all my stuff. 

I need to remember that a wise traveler makes sure to pack lightly!

Today, it's time to do a heart check. Is there anything more important to me right now then my Lord and Saviour?  Is there anything I would rather not be called away from?  Of course I have no desire to leave my children motherless.....or leave the love of my life, Geoff.....but I sure do realize that this world is not what it is all about.....this sinful, hurting planet is not my home.....not my family's home...and I hope not yours either!

But instead I look forward to the day when this beautiful world, the one I have been so blessed to enjoy this afternoon, will no longer be struggling under a curse.....when it too will be set free from it's bonds.....and when all of creation will sing from it's deepest parts about a wonderful God and Redeemer.

Heaven and the whole family will be joining in the grand celebration and you can believe without a doubt that it's going to be the first day of many mind-blowing eternities.  The temperature will be perfect, the lighting awesome, the breeze amazing, the colours incredible, the company the BEST!! and the singing out-of-this-world!

Going Home ......it's going to be so great!!

All things new......

Hello Dear Friends,

There is always change in life, isn't there.  And I have learned and continue to learn it's best not to fight against it.

One recent change in my life is that I stopped blogging for the site Pray for the Nations and will be maintaining this blog for the family, and if the Lord wills, start up a new blog of my own.  I already have a title for it and ideas for the design ...... but I am getting ahead of myself here....cause I will not be going anywhere with it anytime soon (at least not until I have school done for this year and planned for next)  In the mean time, I will be putting up some of my old blogs from the past....some of you were mentioning that they had blessed you. Thanks for your encouragement....and if you want to read the last blog on this site, Simple Faith, (a post from the past) you'll see the thing God is still working on in my heart.

Being content.....in the little things and the place where he has me.

May God continue to use you and me both to bring glory to Himself!

Love from a Sister,
Christine