Circumstantial depression. It's what you get when you are in situations that are way stressful and you have no power to change them. I had it. Had it real good.
Turns out circumstantial depression can follow you around. Who knew?!
I was depressed because of circumstances I was in. Well..... if you take all 43 years of my life and divide it by the number of circumstances I've had....well, I've had a lot. But the last couple years seemed to have a few more than usual and it really got me down. I was losing hope. Real fast.
Then my husband got a new job and we were given the chance to move to a brand new place and away from most of those "circumstances"! I thought I had it made! This new life was going to be so great!!
Haha. That was a funny joke. What a punch line.
It was a punch alright. Right to the gut.
Cause maybe you already know this. But there are circumstances everywhere. Yep, should of saw that coming.
Doesn't really matter what mine are. We all got a set of our own. You got a set. I got a set. They say that if all our troubles were to be boxed up and put into a room and we had the chance to pick out any set of troubles, we would always pick our own back out. Maybe we would. After all known fears are better than unknown ones.
But today I wasn't so sure. I was pretty sure that if I could pick a different box.....there would be no wet basements and depression in it.
And I told God so this morning in my quiet time with Him. Told him a lot of things. Like the fact that I didn't really want to have a quiet time with Him today. Mentioned that He calls himself my Provider and I don't really feel provided for. Wrote down, in ink, cause I write out my prayers... "life sucks and I am not sure why He bothered to speak it all into existence". Reminded Him that I have been following him for over thirty years now and if this is the best I could become, well, it wasn't much. Got too much attitude to be bringing Him any glory. Said I don't really get the point of it all.
I cried too. A lot.
And when I was done crying. I listened for a bit.
He said some nice things about me. Phft! Like I believed that!
He told me that I am complete in Him. Ha! Whatever.
He said He has everything I need for today. Really?
I said "It's too late, that the day was already messed ....that it had a bad start. Look at how I had been talking to Him for goodness-sake".
He said that was OK. That we just had a "bad connection". That His LOVE, JOY, PEACE, GENTLENESS, PATIENCE, GRACE, ACCEPTANCE, STRENGTH, WISDOM and HELP had never stopped "airing". It was just that the troubles of life had caused some static...our connection had been bad. I just needed to re-tune in.
Bad connection you say? Static you say? Yeah, I was hearing that ole static loud and clear. What did He say about re-tuning in? That's all I gotta do?
Oh.
Alright, I can do that. I can re-tune in. For today. Well, for this morning. Or for this hour if need be......most likely I'll have to re-tune in again this afternoon. But that's OK. God is still going to be there "airing" the best station EVER!
So, I thanked Him for being a big enough God to be able to listen to me gripe. For still loving me in spite of it. For continuing to encourage and lift me up....even though my un-grateful bee-hind don't deserve it.
And this is why I follow after this God. He's got my back. Always has.
And He has this AWESOME promise that I hold on to....this leaky, sieve that I call home isn't my forever home. This "circumstantial crap" that is life is just a wee blip in eternity. I have my real home waiting for me in heaven. The best part is God promises that it comes "trouble-free".
Already that's something I am willing to wait for.........
"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be anymore pain: for the former things are passed away...." Revelation 21:4
In the mean time there is bread to make, Christmas baking to do, rugs to vacuum, toilets to scrub...
See ya later. I'm re-tuning in.
Hope you hear God's LOVE, JOY and PEACE loud-and-clear today too! Just gotta tune in that's all!
Wednesday, December 17, 2014
Saturday, May 31, 2014
In the Everyday
Dreaming. Always dreaming. That's me. Always thinking of things I could do with my life.
There are too many to pick from. Sigh.
There are many ways a person is brought to faith. Many things that help people come to an understanding and complete belief that the fantastic claims the Bible makes are true.
Like this one..... "And all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and nine years: and he died" Genesis 5:27
The claim that Methuselah died is not a fantastic one. After all death happens to the best of us. It's the number of days that came between his birth and last breath that is a bit hard to believe.
I can believe it for a number of scientific reasons. The earth was still young, hadn't been abused and polluted much. Humans were still close to being genetically pure. Good Ole Methuselah wasn't eating MacDonalds or Twinkies (he would have made a fantastic spokes-person for the organic/health organizations)
I can believe it for spiritual reasons. Cause God says so for starters. Then there is the fact that we were made in God's image. God doesn't die. It was only sin that seemed to bring a death sentence on us. We are spiritual beings that will live forever.
How do I know that for sure? I just believe it..... in my gut.
And for the simple fact that seventy to eighty years just isn't long enough to get all the things done that I want to do. We weren't created to muddle around for less then a century in which we get to only master one or two things and even at that spend a portion of our brief life wearing diapers and rubbing ointments on aching joints.
Don't get me wrong. I have no desire to live longer than the allotted "three score and ten years".....not on this old suffering world anyway, but I am looking forward to spending the rest of my countless years in eternity with my Creator.
I am not sure how heaven is going to look...actually I haven't the faintest clue..... but that doesn't stop me from believing in it and looking forward to it.
So, how does one bring the two worlds together. The dreams of "What I could do" and the Everyday of what needs to be done......
I am not a pro at it yet but I am learning. Learning to trust God with the every-days and the "could be's". I only want to do what He has for me to do. And for now most days it's dishes and laundry and I am actually becoming OK with that.
On those days when the day dreaming goes wild and I imagine orphanages or tea shops, farms and careers, book writing or Chef? the every day brings me back..... back to home ...the here and now and the age old question...."What do you want me to do with my life Lord? is answered...
"The dishes. It's time to do the dishes"
And I look, and behold the command is true and vital! Cause hence on yonder counter-top is a heap of unwashed pots, pans and utensils. Oh, glory be!!
And at once my life has meaning. It has purpose. I have a goal. Clean those wonderful dishes that God provided and when I wonder what is next....there is always so much to pick from!
Laundry, mending, ironing, school with the children, dusting and mopping, a friend for tea, phone calls, bills to be payed and organized, emails to check or write, can't forget that toilet that needs scrubbing. A quiet time with God, that's important! What about grocery shopping and the meals to dirty those plates again!? There's yard work and exercise. Library books to be read and returned. Movie or game? Beds to make. People to hug. Goodness, blogs to write!!
And so it is in the every day that I find purpose.
After all someone needs to do those dishes. Why not me!?
And come to think of it.... why not one of my children?
So I call out....."I need someone who knows how to use a t-towel! Reuuuuubennnn? Addddinaaaaaa?"
Come find a life purpose with your mother. Come learn to serve.
After all we all like to be served. And someone has to do it.
Why not me? Why not you?
No complaining either. You could have been born Methuselah, he dirtied (and most likely washed) dishes for close to a thousand years!! :) Buck up, you'll be doing good if you make it to one hundred!
There are too many to pick from. Sigh.
There are many ways a person is brought to faith. Many things that help people come to an understanding and complete belief that the fantastic claims the Bible makes are true.
Like this one..... "And all the days of Methuselah were nine hundred sixty and nine years: and he died" Genesis 5:27
The claim that Methuselah died is not a fantastic one. After all death happens to the best of us. It's the number of days that came between his birth and last breath that is a bit hard to believe.
I can believe it for a number of scientific reasons. The earth was still young, hadn't been abused and polluted much. Humans were still close to being genetically pure. Good Ole Methuselah wasn't eating MacDonalds or Twinkies (he would have made a fantastic spokes-person for the organic/health organizations)
I can believe it for spiritual reasons. Cause God says so for starters. Then there is the fact that we were made in God's image. God doesn't die. It was only sin that seemed to bring a death sentence on us. We are spiritual beings that will live forever.
How do I know that for sure? I just believe it..... in my gut.
And for the simple fact that seventy to eighty years just isn't long enough to get all the things done that I want to do. We weren't created to muddle around for less then a century in which we get to only master one or two things and even at that spend a portion of our brief life wearing diapers and rubbing ointments on aching joints.
Don't get me wrong. I have no desire to live longer than the allotted "three score and ten years".....not on this old suffering world anyway, but I am looking forward to spending the rest of my countless years in eternity with my Creator.
I am not sure how heaven is going to look...actually I haven't the faintest clue..... but that doesn't stop me from believing in it and looking forward to it.
So, how does one bring the two worlds together. The dreams of "What I could do" and the Everyday of what needs to be done......
I am not a pro at it yet but I am learning. Learning to trust God with the every-days and the "could be's". I only want to do what He has for me to do. And for now most days it's dishes and laundry and I am actually becoming OK with that.
On those days when the day dreaming goes wild and I imagine orphanages or tea shops, farms and careers, book writing or Chef? the every day brings me back..... back to home ...the here and now and the age old question...."What do you want me to do with my life Lord? is answered...
"The dishes. It's time to do the dishes"
And I look, and behold the command is true and vital! Cause hence on yonder counter-top is a heap of unwashed pots, pans and utensils. Oh, glory be!!
And at once my life has meaning. It has purpose. I have a goal. Clean those wonderful dishes that God provided and when I wonder what is next....there is always so much to pick from!
Laundry, mending, ironing, school with the children, dusting and mopping, a friend for tea, phone calls, bills to be payed and organized, emails to check or write, can't forget that toilet that needs scrubbing. A quiet time with God, that's important! What about grocery shopping and the meals to dirty those plates again!? There's yard work and exercise. Library books to be read and returned. Movie or game? Beds to make. People to hug. Goodness, blogs to write!!
And so it is in the every day that I find purpose.
After all someone needs to do those dishes. Why not me!?
And come to think of it.... why not one of my children?
So I call out....."I need someone who knows how to use a t-towel! Reuuuuubennnn? Addddinaaaaaa?"
Come find a life purpose with your mother. Come learn to serve.
After all we all like to be served. And someone has to do it.
Why not me? Why not you?
No complaining either. You could have been born Methuselah, he dirtied (and most likely washed) dishes for close to a thousand years!! :) Buck up, you'll be doing good if you make it to one hundred!
Thursday, January 23, 2014
Real Life?
Read a quote today that prompted me to get pencil and paper out.
"Our task is to say a holy yes to the real things of our life as they exist." ~ N. Goldberg
I started listing the "real" things my life consists of at the moment...things that I haven't been outright resisting but haven't been embracing with a "Yes!" either.
The list seems long.
And depressing.
There are far too many things I must accept.... even though "I NO likey!"
It isn't fair and I have to say "Yes"!?!
It's worth a try I guess. Up till now all the wishing-in-the-world it was different.... hasn't made it so.
Time to try something different.
Change is good for us.
This is real life. Everyone has one. Mine is no less or more perfect than anyone else's.
As long as we live on this planet LIFE will be a big dose of PAIN with some JOYS stirred in and sprinkled on top....if you are looking for the sprinkles you'll find them.
Life hurts. But this isn't my forever life. The sprinkles of JOY that I find among the pain is just little glimpses of my REAL, real life....... that is coming.
I think saying "Yes" to the pain means I will accept that life on this broken, sinful planet means I can't make it perfect and painless, no matter how hard I try. But that doesn't mean I have to focus on the pain...I must search for the "sprinkles of JOY", cause there's some every day, (if I am looking).... savor them when they're found...be grateful for them and thank GOD that they are just a taste of the real LIFE that I have in HIM.
Dear Lord,
This is my life.
You allowed it.
It must be ok then.
Help me believe that it is.
Help me say "Yes" to the real things.
And remind me to stop struggling to change it all.
Show me "sprinkles of JOY" that You have for today
Remind me that they are just glimpses into "forever"
Please help me in this "real" life to find....
Contentment among the imperfect
Gratitude among the sickness
Patience among the sorrow
JOY among the broken
Peace among the pain.
It is for Your Glory
That I ask this in
Jesus beautiful
name. Amen
"Our task is to say a holy yes to the real things of our life as they exist." ~ N. Goldberg
I started listing the "real" things my life consists of at the moment...things that I haven't been outright resisting but haven't been embracing with a "Yes!" either.
The list seems long.
And depressing.
There are far too many things I must accept.... even though "I NO likey!"
It isn't fair and I have to say "Yes"!?!
It's worth a try I guess. Up till now all the wishing-in-the-world it was different.... hasn't made it so.
Time to try something different.
Change is good for us.
This is real life. Everyone has one. Mine is no less or more perfect than anyone else's.
As long as we live on this planet LIFE will be a big dose of PAIN with some JOYS stirred in and sprinkled on top....if you are looking for the sprinkles you'll find them.
Life hurts. But this isn't my forever life. The sprinkles of JOY that I find among the pain is just little glimpses of my REAL, real life....... that is coming.
I think saying "Yes" to the pain means I will accept that life on this broken, sinful planet means I can't make it perfect and painless, no matter how hard I try. But that doesn't mean I have to focus on the pain...I must search for the "sprinkles of JOY", cause there's some every day, (if I am looking).... savor them when they're found...be grateful for them and thank GOD that they are just a taste of the real LIFE that I have in HIM.
Dear Lord,
This is my life.
You allowed it.
It must be ok then.
Help me believe that it is.
Help me say "Yes" to the real things.
And remind me to stop struggling to change it all.
Show me "sprinkles of JOY" that You have for today
Remind me that they are just glimpses into "forever"
Please help me in this "real" life to find....
Contentment among the imperfect
Gratitude among the sickness
Patience among the sorrow
JOY among the broken
Peace among the pain.
It is for Your Glory
That I ask this in
Jesus beautiful
name. Amen
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