Circumstantial depression. It's what you get when you are in situations that are way stressful and you have no power to change them. I had it. Had it real good.
Turns out circumstantial depression can follow you around. Who knew?!
I was depressed because of circumstances I was in. Well..... if you take all 43 years of my life and divide it by the number of circumstances I've had....well, I've had a lot. But the last couple years seemed to have a few more than usual and it really got me down. I was losing hope. Real fast.
Then my husband got a new job and we were given the chance to move to a brand new place and away from most of those "circumstances"! I thought I had it made! This new life was going to be so great!!
Haha. That was a funny joke. What a punch line.
It was a punch alright. Right to the gut.
Cause maybe you already know this. But there are circumstances everywhere. Yep, should of saw that coming.
Doesn't really matter what mine are. We all got a set of our own. You got a set. I got a set. They say that if all our troubles were to be boxed up and put into a room and we had the chance to pick out any set of troubles, we would always pick our own back out. Maybe we would. After all known fears are better than unknown ones.
But today I wasn't so sure. I was pretty sure that if I could pick a different box.....there would be no wet basements and depression in it.
And I told God so this morning in my quiet time with Him. Told him a lot of things. Like the fact that I didn't really want to have a quiet time with Him today. Mentioned that He calls himself my Provider and I don't really feel provided for. Wrote down, in ink, cause I write out my prayers... "life sucks and I am not sure why He bothered to speak it all into existence". Reminded Him that I have been following him for over thirty years now and if this is the best I could become, well, it wasn't much. Got too much attitude to be bringing Him any glory. Said I don't really get the point of it all.
I cried too. A lot.
And when I was done crying. I listened for a bit.
He said some nice things about me. Phft! Like I believed that!
He told me that I am complete in Him. Ha! Whatever.
He said He has everything I need for today. Really?
I said "It's too late, that the day was already messed ....that it had a bad start. Look at how I had been talking to Him for goodness-sake".
He said that was OK. That we just had a "bad connection". That His LOVE, JOY, PEACE, GENTLENESS, PATIENCE, GRACE, ACCEPTANCE, STRENGTH, WISDOM and HELP had never stopped "airing". It was just that the troubles of life had caused some static...our connection had been bad. I just needed to re-tune in.
Bad connection you say? Static you say? Yeah, I was hearing that ole static loud and clear. What did He say about re-tuning in? That's all I gotta do?
Oh.
Alright, I can do that. I can re-tune in. For today. Well, for this morning. Or for this hour if need be......most likely I'll have to re-tune in again this afternoon. But that's OK. God is still going to be there "airing" the best station EVER!
So, I thanked Him for being a big enough God to be able to listen to me gripe. For still loving me in spite of it. For continuing to encourage and lift me up....even though my un-grateful bee-hind don't deserve it.
And this is why I follow after this God. He's got my back. Always has.
And He has this AWESOME promise that I hold on to....this leaky, sieve that I call home isn't my forever home. This "circumstantial crap" that is life is just a wee blip in eternity. I have my real home waiting for me in heaven. The best part is God promises that it comes "trouble-free".
Already that's something I am willing to wait for.........
"And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be anymore pain: for the former things are passed away...." Revelation 21:4
In the mean time there is bread to make, Christmas baking to do, rugs to vacuum, toilets to scrub...
See ya later. I'm re-tuning in.
Hope you hear God's LOVE, JOY and PEACE loud-and-clear today too! Just gotta tune in that's all!
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