Trust vs. Love

It has been slowly dawning on me.....I have trust issues.
That's no surprise really....too many bouts of legalism and rounds of rejection will do that to a gal.

People really can't be trusted ....can we? But not all people are completely un-trust-worthy.  Just some are.... honestly we all know at least one......those people where sometimes, you can't trust them.
Put a different way.....some people shouldn't be trusted most of the time.

The end result, of my "several rounds" with folks/groups of folks that I trusted with my heart/life and they turned out not to deserve that trust.....well.....it's affected how I trust God. (Discernment, and my lack of it in the past....well...that is another blog waiting to be written)

Round three. And the bell rang, LOUD and clear. She was down for the count!! Will, she get up again?

Oh look, there she is....staggering to her feet. Stumbling out of the ring. Walking shakily through the door. Time for a time out she says (her doctor said so too) ....she doesn't want to play....anymore..... for awhile at least....

When she comes too and her head clears a bit...she has her doubts about trust. Can you blame her?

Trust God eh? About what? Can't ask and hope for a trouble free life. That's a fairy-tale that's not goin' happen.

And so she goes to prayer. Cause she really does want to trust in her God. He has been there all along. In her corner. He isn't a human. He's gotta be trust worthy....but she needs to know how to trust again....and so she prays.....asks for help.....and what starts out as a written prayer turns into this.....

Dear Lord,
In my out-loud-rant yesterday You heard me say....."I don't know how to trust God. What do I trust Him with? For what? If I say, think or feel that I should trust God to protect me from harm, pain and problems...well, that is a false hope!" Life is just a series of pain, problems and harm.

So, God what should I entrust to you? Or how do I trust in You?

That you are unchanging and heaven and my place in it, is real. Just read 1 Peter 1:9 "receiving the end of your faith, even the salvation of your souls" and I know I can trust you with that. But how do I continue to trust in your love for me. Especially when life presents one trial after another....43 years worth and I am not feeling the love right now.....

I guess Jesus could claim the same about His stint on earth.  Extremely humble birth, childhood and ministry all ending with rejection and a horrific death.

So somehow I need to trust, have faith and KNOW I am loved...even if I don't feel it.

This verse came to mind....."all things work together for good to those who trust God" So all things may not be good, but they work together for good. I can trust in that. Wait, do I have that verse right? Better look it up.

All things work together for good to them that LOVE God, to them that are called according to his purposes - Romans 8:28

And now I gotta ask....Do I LOVE you, God?

I seem to love myself to be sure. I would love a trouble free life.

Now I question "What is love?"

(and here's where the prayer turned into a "preach" between myself and God ......until I decided to blog it....haha)  

The world, our culture, would have us believe that love is fluffy, pink, sweet, cute and warm. But you take one look at your life and the people you claim to love and you see right off that love isn't usually those things.

Love is hard.
Love is work. It's hard work!
Love is denying yourself.
Love is picking up, showing up and serving up.
...when you don't want to....and you would rather be somewhere else.....doing something else.

Love does the impossible. It loves the unlovable. (ever witnessed a three year old throw a tantrum? how many times does a parent say "Good job, you're cute")

Love sees the mistakes, the faults, the shortcomings, the sin...and yet.....it keeps on extending grace, and acceptance, and friendship and love.

Love listens.
Love hugs.
Love cries.
Love smiles through those tears.
Love laughs...in spite of itself.
Love cooks, and cleans, and picks those things up for the hundredth, thousandth time.
Love chides, encourages, brags, scolds.
Love doesn't always say "yes"...sometimes it must say "no"
Love will batter your heart one time and lift your spirit another.
Love hurts, deep down where it often doesn't show......and yet.....

Tomorrow.....tomorrow love will get up and do it all over again.

And so I realize that love is not one, but two things. Pain and Joy.

Yes, society would have you mistakenly think that love is teddy bears, chocolate and roses. But often love is sweat, work, tears and a whole pile of dying to yourself. And we have to agree that it's totally worth it....where would this world be without love?

Look what Jesus did for us. Blood, sweat and tears. And we can hardly claim to be worth it. That didn't matter. He did the cross anyways. And He would do it all over again, if He had to.

Why?
I have no idea.

Cause love, it's an unfathomable mystery.
A beautiful, deep, mystery full of grace and acceptance beyond understanding.

That Jesus would love-to-death sinners like us.
Sinners in all our full blown filth and corruption with the stench of death on us.

What did God see in us?
I have no idea.

But He sees a future that we can only wonder about. Eternity. That thing that happens when our soul leaves the shroud behind. The soul has to go somewhere...and before Jesus...before the cross....the choices were....well there were no choices...there was only one place and that was down. Into the pit. Hell.

But Jesus came and loved us like no one had ever loved us before and now we have a choice.

Acknowledge or deny.
Accept or refuse.
Repent or defy.

We can choose to respond to the greatest love this world will ever know and receive eternal acceptance that is "literally out-of-this-world".....an eternity in heaven with a God who loves us. 
Yes, US!! Can you believe it?

A God reaching out in love, morning after morning, day after day, year after thousands of years.

And He will do it again tomorrow. And the next day and the day after that...until Jesus returns.

Even so come Lord Jesus.
Amen.

After this prayer that turned into a preach.....I see the reason why I love this God of mine. I understand again why it is that I can trust Him with today, and tomorrow.
He's in my corner. He's got everything covered.
Even the pain....it's covered in His grace.
And once again.....I am thankful.